Mentioning the Name


You’ve gotten out of a pretty bad relationship, and are slightly banged up. You take a few years to heal, regain and actually become a better you…

This is when you realize how far you’ve come. As you recall the painful memories, and how foolish you were, you are missing one huge picture that’s the entire reason why I’ve brought this up. 

Perhaps, you’ve found a new romantic partner, and you’re sharing survival stories. While its important to recognize the negative, conversations about your past will have you bathing in your ex’s darkest moments during their time with you.

Repeating someone’s name keeps them in your life. Even if you decide to break up, or things got out of hand, remember the power of words.

Am I asking you to forget? Partially. While I hope you have forgiven, remaining mum about the details of your failed relationship saves the new one you’re starting. You don’t start something new with stories from your past, unless of course, someone asks. This should only be because they’ve spotted a weakness..and only because they seek to give you guidance.

While it seems grand to sit around, man bashing with your girls…you’re giving your now defenseless ex more power than you realize. 

If he or she continues calling and acts like either nothing has changed…or they can’t live with you…rethink what you’re doing. Unless they ask (and hopefully for good cause, as there is none) this person who’s caused pain should NEVER be the topic of conversation. It’s doing nothing for either party.

While it does help to talk about our feelings, bringing up the past keeps us in the past. We cannot see the present, and we’re slowly fogging up our future.

To move forward, you must look forward, first. It could be ditching habits you picked up because of this person. Maybe even new tastes in food, or clothing styles. Most individuals who are controlling are seeking to change you to benefit them. It’s okay to try new things, but if it reminds you of your ex…or you realize you only do it because of them…work on the habit.

Try new things for yourself. It is one of the best ways to break habits that bother us. 

Do your best to transmute conversations and energy. If a friend won’t let it go, mention it softly to them. If you find yourself repeating it…take some time away. It’s a part of healing. 

This isn’t just for exes, as family members and friendships take dramatic and painful twists. It is okay to be respectful, but being nice leaves you open. Since you know that, uttering their name is just as bad as hugging someone who doesn’t deserve your time.

You’ve got this! Focus your positive energy on a new project or hobby. Find new people to talk to. Take what you’ve learned (ie. therapy, books, meditation, reflection) and apply it to your everyday routine.

It is okay to remind yourself how far you’ve come. How strong you are. How amazing you are. 

It’ll be a thing you practice everyday. Eventually, you won’t have to.

But never give anyone who has hurt you and will never learn that much power…or energy. 


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