I Do Not Have It Together!


The people I’ve met have a constant habit of assuming I have it together. While, on a mental and spiritual level- I am stronger and wiser…no one…absolutely NO ONE…has it figured out.

It’s usually because of my net worth, and connections within the entertainment industry, but those were born of hard work, determination…and have nothing to do with actually having it together. 

I was an emotionally unstable hot mess. I kept dating people who were bad for me, I was unable to let go of things, and I kept beating myself up. I started feeling better about myself THIS YEAR. I took a nosedive into letting things go. It was the only way to move forward. And there will be days I have to remind myself of how far I’ve come. I do not wish to revisit what brought me pain, and made me cry.

I have found peace, love, a path that leads to daily contentment, and understanding. What I’ve gone through is to help others, including myself. But having it all figured out is absolute nonsense.

To return to where I was, in that small circle where I thought I was safe…would be absolute hell for me. When you let go of things and visualize life in a different perspective, you can breathe! Your sight becomes better overall, and you no longer hurt. You have to remind yourself, but it is an immense joy when you say you’ve overcome! It lights up your world!

The thing I’ve come to understand…is that you need to accept yourself-flaws and all. You are both light and dark. There is no such thing as being 100% good, and being 100% bad ends in your demise. There is a balance to living, and it is found within self love, and understanding your self worth.

But it is lived and discovered within your day to day. Not to be figured out in one breath, and then that epiphany surely wouldn’t last a lifetime-there are other things to learn. I’m excited about that aspect. Because whatever it is I learn, I can pass it on to my children, and whoever else is willing to listen. 

The greatest lesson I’m still trying to learn is either not responding, and instantly becoming neutral when drama is thrown my way. Giving dark entities an audience allows them to manipulate how you feel-so if you have to listen, don’t respond. And if it can be helped, walk away. I have gotten better, but we all need to understand…don’t invite the demons in and then complain about your life!

Since learning all the new things I’ve come across, it’s time I put them to practice. It is well worth the experience.                                     

This is why I say I don’t have everything together!                               

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Simon says:

    If you had it all together there would be nothing to learn… besides if other people think you have it together why argue? 😉

    1. The Gorgeous Nerd says:

      Lol I do appreciate people thinking I’m a saint.

      1. Simon says:

        I’ll keep thinking that then 😂
        Are you a bit of a sinner or something? Lol

      2. The Gorgeous Nerd says:

        I’d level a neighborhood under certain circumstances. But first, I’d save the kittens and children. It’s a mix. Lol

      3. Simon says:

        I get ya, to be fair it probably still makes you a saint 😂

      4. The Gorgeous Nerd says:

        😂 I’ll take it

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