The Sense of Decorum


Some would say the dating world isn’t for the faint of heart.

I agree entirely.

What’s causing the hold up in the affairs of love?

The existence of darkness, yes. And absolute self loathing. 

Soon, I’ll be on another date. In which case, I am excited. My reasons are my own, but my major reason is the respect I’ve been shown. I am a remarkable human being. I know that I’m extremely attractive, and have qualities and attributes men look for and women wish they had.

But adhere to this, as it seems to me like simple math…and to others…the equations that exist in most structural engineering works.

Have we come to the point of no return? Women are now outlandishly throwing their sex in mens faces, who are not willing to catch it. The tables have indeed turned. Here’s what I’ve heard, observed, and learned.

For starters, the men are always stereotypically handsome. Either tall, muscular, donning tattoos. Gorgeous bone structures, especially their faces. They have well paying jobs, no woes and their hearts are on their sleeves. You’re probably thinking what we all are-the women have decided it’s a free for all.

So the double standards for the sexes will eventually change, which spells disaster for those who give into it. 

It is natural to tease, sending suitable photos and hinting at wishful thinking. It’s actually healthy, knowing the other person wants a chance but would prefer to wait. But to completely undress the topic at hand, going straight for the throat, hoping that cutting off the air supply gives you a chance is ABSOLUTE madness.

Our convictions shouldn’t guide matters of the heart, but they most certainly should stick around when dealing with someone else’s. There is never a reason to throw sex into someone’s face, because you grew up believing men are sex driven and it’s all they want. Now, women are judging men by the cover, or color of their skin. It smells of manipulation, and is guised as the women/me too movement. But it is really a cry for help.

I recently saw a speaker who said this better than anyone-“If you’re not looking to build a relationship with the people you’re talking to, you’re playing with their hearts. Take up a hobby, but playing with someone’s heart is wrong.” Call me old fashioned all you’d like, I sighed a deep breath of relief hearing that.

It is never okay, whether male or female, to assume subjecting sexual acts on someone is desireable and accepted. Men can be raped too, but if this is where we’re headed, I will not stand silently and allow anyone to think it’s ok. That it’s “time they understood how we felt.” We will be back where we started, having to learn about the opposing side because we’re too stupid to see that taking things too far causes a rift, and the ultimatum is unbalance.

We will circle back around (as I feel at some point, women were in charge) but let’s be clear when we speak on running things-run it right…or don’t run it at all. Don’t throw us into darkness by assuming you’re better because someone you know got hurt by one person…who didn’t have unprotected sex with the entire populus of women. Him, hurting one person doesn’t take us all down. And the circumstances that take place before and after are between two people, meaning susceptibility demands a light shining on matters. That’s code for…I am a woman and have put myself in precarious situations that unfolded horribly wrong because of my naive nature during that time.

If you’re going to stand for something, coming around to my second point, stand for the way you should be carrying yourself. Don’t want to hear it? Here’s a great example of the image we’ve portrayed to others with our nonsense.

Some gay and transgender men want to wear tight and humiliating clothing because they think it makes them feminine. I will not judge anyone’s choices, but having your goods out isn’t feminine. It is a cry for attention. No one wants to admit it, so I will. If everything is out, you can manipulate and get your way. If things transpire out of control, it’s someone else’s fault…but not you…who innocently dressed in a tight, leather mini dress and six inch heels…claiming you’re a “bad bitch” and a “real woman.”

While covering up from head to toe is definitely a control mechanism, and as I have always sensed…did this happen because most women are insane?

You should love yourself, but in no way does that mean to dress like a cheap prostitute, when what you really need is therapy and the truth. 

If it’s control you seek, manage your bullshit before you embark on the world’s problems. If it’s love you seek, love yourself. Without self love, you can’t imagine what it feels like to love another. If it’s peace you want, learn from your lessons to become wise.

If it’s change you want, stop pointing the finger at others for a past we are all to blame for creating-a situation that is long gone and can disappear if we focus on brightening our futures. There isn’t a sad tale you could relay to me that would change my mind, or lessen my harsh tones. 

Here’s my final point, one that will determine where you stand in your own eyes and the world.

When has it ever been okay to use sex to make a point? Just because women at one point were under the foot of a double standard meant to control the men as well, doesn’t make it okay. You’re backstepping, and falling into disgusting, non-permissible acts men once got blamed for doing. How does being an idiot fix the situation? 

If it’s not resolve you seek, you do not get to complain. If it’s to torture others, you may as well hold hands with male perpetrators and jump from the same cliff. Righting a wrong doesn’t mean to do wrong as well. You’re digging a pit and bitching at the same time.

Or, you can uphold yourself in a manner situated in self love, self understanding, self worth and self appreciation. Not leaning towards how to dress from whomever but yourself. Leading by example, elevating yourself through experiences and learning from your mistakes.

If that’s asking for too much, then you will never understand. Or, you can read this entire blog over once more. 

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