Why do people feel the need to lie about everything, when they can be honest from the get go?
It’s obviously a mental thing, but also, is most certainly from jealousy. It’s always unnecessary, and typically causes a rift. But in the dating world, the reason is to gain one thing.
Clearly, a sexual encounter with a complete stranger is on the top of every man’s list, but one with a gorgeous, successful woman makes them look like a mountaineer.
Does this blog not read how it usually does? That’s because I’m being literal, and hopefully helpful.
You should not, for any reason, compromise your emotions just so someone can sleep with you. If their objective is an orgasm, you’ll usually know right away. There are several different tactics to keep yourself safe.
Firstly, anyone claiming they’ve fallen in love with you only after a couple days is only after one thing. I’m all about romance, but it takes me about a month and a half to catch feelings. I go over reasons things may work out, and I look for signs where it may not. I also consider how I’m being treated. How frequent they message, and if they ask about my children. Once I put all things together, the infatuation phase either grows to actual love, or I realize I could be wasting my time.
I also never tell anyone I love them, just to be sure I’m not in a one-sided relationship.
Secondly, people who place blame on you before the relationship starts aren’t willing to admit something is wrong with them. Everyone has suffered from something, and in most cases, people don’t want to admit they need help. This is a dangerous red flag that should not be ignored. They are in fact gaslighting you before things start. Be sure that they’ll take what was said in the beginning and shove it in your face after the smallest and probably imaginary offense has been committed. The relationship magically rests on you doing right, and they’re somehow always a saint. No such thing.
Thirdly, sex should never be discussed if you haven’t known them more than two months. Sex is amazing, but it only makes up part of the relationship. In fact, if sex is being suggested early on, you can anticipate this person has no sexual limitations, has been sexually abused at some point, and will take advantage of you sexually in the future to manipulate you when a problem has arisen. Just because you’re attractive, doesn’t mean you have to put out.
Furthermore, relationships are built on trust. As a woman, who lives in a world that is always objectifying you, a man should know it’s an issue and should never bring up your figure, sexual capabilities, or the act-period. It’s a huge red flag if your looks are being placed on a pedestal.
It isn’t impossible to find a good person, but remembering these factors is necessary. Maybe you’ll be single for a while. But to endure a relationship that was clearly full of red flags is not worth the pain.
Lastly, I know that many don’t want to hear this, but….when a man has a sob story, lives with three other people in a house he doesn’t own, and is aware of your career, accomplishments, net worth and so on…he is a predator. Date in your tax bracket. Date in your industry. Date in your income.
People around your age (32-38) that don’t have it together NEVER will. They seek those who do for the obvious. People who don’t have it together talk a lot. It’s a tactic to wear you down and blind you from the truth. You can’t prove the other side of their sob story, either. Meaning…how are we sure they’re the good guy? What have they done? Everyone is capable of hurting someone else.
They are also afraid and jealous, so they’ll lie and do anything to make themselves appear a way that they’re not. America is a place where men have it easier. As a woman who could sell her rights and disappear into the sunset, if he doesn’t have what I have or more, I don’t want him. He has nothing to offer but doubt, fear, worry and jealousy. In most cases, I’ll be used and discarded if I don’t fall in line. If not that, he’ll spend all his time making sure I feel as low as he does. It’ll start with how he feels about my work, or my goals. Which is none of his business.
This is a control mechanism to make you think you need him; it’s actually a distraction to keep you from working and basically living. If you believe it, all that self love goes right down the drain. He’ll have control over you now, and everything you do after that point will be a problem. Every wrong thing he does will be your fault.
I’d rather explain than point out small factors. You’re a shining beam of magnificent light who deserves all the love there is to offer. Dating a simpering fool as previously explained is beneath you.
This is advice you should pass along. It needs to be said more, heard even more so.